Sadness is a universal human emotion. Everyone experiences it at some point in their life—whether because of loss, disappointment, stress, or unexpected changes. While sadness is normal and often temporary, it can sometimes feel overwhelming, making it hard to move forward or think clearly.
This is where coping strategies come in. Mental health professionals often encourage the use of structured tools to regulate difficult emotions instead of letting them take over. One such framework is the ACCEPTS skills from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).
ACCEPTS is a practical set of coping techniques that help people tolerate distress, shift focus, and regain emotional balance. The acronym stands for:
A – Activities
C – Contributing
C – Comparisons
E – EmotionsP – Pushing Away
T – Thoughts
S – Sensations
These skills don’t erase sadness but instead give you tools to manage it in healthier ways, allowing you to breathe, reset, and move forward.
Understanding the ACCEPTS Framework
Origin of ACCEPTS (Dialectical Behavior Therapy)
The ACCEPTS skills were originally developed as part of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), a type of psychotherapy created by psychologist Dr. Marsha Linehan. DBT was designed to help people with intense emotions, particularly those struggling with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Over time, its strategies have proven helpful for anyone experiencing emotional distress—including sadness.
Purpose of Distress Tolerance Skills
Unlike problem-solving strategies, distress tolerance skills like ACCEPTS don’t aim to fix the root cause immediately. Instead, they help you survive the emotional storm without making things worse. By giving you a way to “ride out” sadness, these skills prevent impulsive behaviors and promote healthier coping.
When to Use ACCEPTS Skills
You can use ACCEPTS whenever you feel sadness creeping in—whether from a bad day, a stressful event, or ongoing challenges. These techniques are particularly useful when:
- You feel too overwhelmed to think rationally.
- You’re at risk of reacting impulsively.
- You need to calm down before addressing the root cause.
Benefits of Practicing ACCEPTS Regularly
- Helps reduce the intensity of sadness.
- Promotes self-control during emotional distress.
- Builds long-term resilience and emotional flexibility.
- Provides a “toolkit” for quick relief when sadness strikes.
A – Activities
Definition of Activity-Based Coping
Activities are about getting moving—physically, mentally, or creatively. When sadness keeps you stuck, doing something active can redirect your focus and release feel-good chemicals in the brain.
Why Physical Movement Helps Regulate Sadness
Research shows that physical movement triggers the release of endorphins (the body’s natural mood boosters) and helps regulate stress hormones like cortisol. Even simple activities can provide a mental reset.
Common Activities That Shift Mood
- Cleaning and organizing – Tidying up your space gives you a sense of control.
- Walking or running outdoors – Nature exposure is proven to improve mood.
- Cooking or baking – A mindful, rewarding activity that engages multiple senses.
- Dancing to music – Combines movement and rhythm to elevate energy.
Science Behind Activity and Mood Improvement
Studies from Harvard Medical School show that exercise can be as effective as antidepressants for mild to moderate depression. Activities don’t need to be intense—consistency matters more than duration.
Tips to Stay Motivated When Sadness Makes Activity Difficult
- Start small (e.g., fold laundry, stretch for 2 minutes).
- Set a timer for 10 minutes and commit to just that.
- Pair activities with music or podcasts to make them enjoyable.
C – Contributing
What Does Contributing Mean in Emotional Coping?
Contributing shifts focus outward—toward helping others. Sadness often makes us feel isolated, but when we give to others, it breaks the cycle of self-absorption and fosters connection.
The Psychology of Kindness and Mood Elevation
Acts of kindness trigger the brain’s reward system, releasing dopamine and oxytocin (the bonding hormone). These neurochemicals promote feelings of warmth and joy, countering sadness.
Examples of Contributing Acts
- Volunteering at a shelter or community center.
- Helping a neighbor with errands.
- Donating clothes, food, or money.
- Sending a kind message to a friend or family member.
How Altruism Rewires the Brain for Positivity
Neuroscience research shows that altruism activates the ventral striatum, a brain region associated with pleasure and reward. This explains why helping others improves mood.
Long-Term Benefits of Regular Contribution
- Strengthens social bonds.
- Builds a sense of purpose and belonging.
- Provides perspective during personal struggles.
C – Comparisons
Definition of Comparison in ACCEPTS
Comparison doesn’t mean comparing yourself negatively to others. Instead, it’s about shifting perspective by looking at your situation in a different light.
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Comparisons
- Healthy comparison: Recognizing progress you’ve made over time.
- Unhealthy comparison: Measuring your worth against others’ achievements.
Using Comparisons to Build Resilience
When sad, you can remind yourself of times you overcame struggles in the past. This builds confidence and shows you’re capable of pushing through again.
Examples of Helpful Comparisons
- Remembering past challenges (e.g., “I got through college stress, I can handle this job setback too”).
- Comparing to worse times you’ve survived.
- Seeing current sadness as temporary, not permanent.
Avoiding Toxic Comparison Traps
Social media often fuels negative comparisons. Instead of comparing to someone else’s highlight reel, compare yourself to your own growth.
Journaling Exercises for Healthy Comparisons
- Write about a time you felt equally sad but overcame it.
- List personal strengths that helped you survive challenges.
- Record moments of progress, no matter how small.
E – Emotions
Understanding Emotional Opposites
One of the most powerful ways to cope with sadness is by deliberately triggering an opposite emotion. If sadness pulls you inward, joy, humor, or excitement can lift you outward.
Why Sadness Can Be Countered with Joy
Sadness narrows focus, while joy broadens perspective. Positive psychology studies confirm that joyful activities build resilience by expanding our ability to think, connect, and adapt.
Activities That Trigger Joyful Emotions
- Watching comedy shows or funny videos – Laughter is proven to reduce stress hormones.
- Listening to upbeat music – Rhythm and melody can activate the brain’s pleasure centers.
- Spending time with pets – Animals provide unconditional affection.
- Engaging in playful activities – Games, sports, or even coloring can lighten the mood.
Neurochemistry of Positive Emotions
Joyful activities increase dopamine and serotonin, neurotransmitters essential for well-being. Even a short burst of laughter or excitement can interrupt cycles of sadness.
Building an Emotional Toolkit
Create a personal collection of “go-to” joyful triggers, such as:
- A playlist of happy songs.
- A favorite stand-up comedy special.
- A gratitude journal to remind yourself of blessings.
P – Pushing Away
What Is “Pushing Away” in DBT?
“Pushing away” is about temporarily setting sadness aside so you can regain stability. It’s not denial but a pause button that helps you breathe.
The Difference Between Healthy Avoidance and Suppression
- Healthy avoidance: Choosing not to dwell on sadness until you’re ready.
- Suppression: Ignoring sadness completely, which can backfire.
Techniques to Practice Pushing Away
- Visualization: Imagine putting sadness into a box or on a shelf.
- Scheduling worry time: Set aside 15 minutes later in the day to revisit concerns.
- Creating boundaries: Say to yourself, “I’ll deal with this after I finish work.”
Risks of Overusing Pushing Away
If used constantly, pushing away can lead to avoidance and unresolved emotions. The goal is to use it short-term, not permanently.
When to Return and Process Sadness
Once calm, revisit the sadness with journaling, therapy, or talking to a trusted person. This ensures emotional processing, not suppression.
T – Thoughts
How Thoughts Influence Sadness
Negative thoughts often fuel sadness. By redirecting thoughts, you can break free from rumination and shift your emotional state.
Distracting Thoughts as a Coping Strategy
Distraction provides temporary relief by occupying the mind with something neutral or positive.
Healthy Thought Distractions
- Doing puzzles or crosswords – Engages problem-solving skills.
- Writing lists – To-do lists, gratitude lists, or dream lists.
- Creative projects – Drawing, writing stories, or crafting.
The Role of Mindfulness in Redirecting Thoughts
Mindfulness teaches you to observe thoughts without judgment. Instead of spiraling, you learn to notice sadness, accept it, and gently shift attention elsewhere.
How to Avoid Rumination with Thought Exercises
- Practice “STOP” technique – Stop, Take a breath, Observe, Proceed.
- Redirect to a neutral topic (e.g., planning a trip).
- Use grounding affirmations (“This feeling will pass”).
S – Sensations
Why Sensations Ground You During Sadness
Sensations pull you back into the present moment by activating your physical senses. This interrupts overwhelming thought loops tied to sadness.
The Science of Sensory Grounding
Engaging the five senses stimulates the brain’s somatosensory cortex, shifting focus from emotional pain to immediate experience.
Examples of Sensory Strategies
- Holding ice cubes – The cold shock resets focus.
- Tasting citrus fruits – The sharp flavor commands attention.
- Touching different textures – Soft blankets, rough stones, or sand.
- Aromatherapy – Scents like lavender or peppermint can calm the nervous system.
Creating a Personal Sensory Toolkit
Keep a small “grounding kit” with items like stress balls, scented oils, or mints for quick use when sadness arises.
When to Use Sensation-Based Grounding
Best used when sadness feels overwhelming and you need immediate relief to avoid spiraling deeper.
Applications of ACCEPTS in Real Life
Managing Sadness in Daily Life
Use ACCEPTS for small disappointments, like a rough workday, to prevent sadness from snowballing.
Using ACCEPTS for Grief and Loss
While grief requires processing, ACCEPTS can provide temporary relief in moments of overwhelming sorrow.
Applying ACCEPTS at Work or School
Instead of letting sadness affect performance, use quick tools like activities, thought redirection, or sensory grounding.
ACCEPTS for Relationship Struggles
Arguments or breakups can bring sadness—ACCEPTS helps create space to breathe before reacting.
Case Study: A Person Managing Sadness with ACCEPTS
Anna, a college student, felt overwhelmed by academic pressure. Using ACCEPTS, she went for walks (Activities), volunteered at a campus event (Contributing), reminded herself of past successes (Comparisons), and watched funny videos (Emotions). Within days, her mood stabilized, and she was better able to focus on solutions.
Benefits of Practicing ACCEPTS Regularly
- Builds emotional resilience – Over time, the brain learns new coping pathways.
- Prevents escalation of sadness – Stops temporary sadness from deepening into depression.
- Strengthens coping skills – Provides multiple tools, not just one.
- Encourages mindfulness – Teaches you to be aware of emotions without being consumed by them.
Challenges and Limitations of ACCEPTS
When ACCEPTS May Not Be Enough
If sadness is chronic or linked to major depression, ACCEPTS alone may not resolve it.
Misusing ACCEPTS as Avoidance
Using these skills constantly without ever addressing the root cause can delay healing.
Balancing Distress Tolerance with Emotional Processing
ACCEPTS is a short-term tool—it should be balanced with long-term strategies like therapy, journaling, or problem-solving.
When to Seek Professional Help
If sadness persists for more than two weeks, interferes with daily life, or leads to thoughts of self-harm, professional support is necessary.
Expert Insights
Quotes from DBT Therapists
- “ACCEPTS skills are not about erasing emotions but about buying time until you can address them with clarity.” – DBT Specialist
- “These strategies create a buffer zone between sadness and reaction.” – Clinical Psychologist
Research Evidence Supporting ACCEPTS Skills
Studies published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology show that DBT skills reduce emotional intensity and improve coping among individuals facing depression and stress.
Mental Health Professionals’ Tips for Practicing
- Practice skills before sadness becomes overwhelming.
- Combine ACCEPTS with self-care basics (sleep, nutrition, exercise).
- Use a skills journal to track what works best.
Preventive Measures for Managing Sadness
Building a Daily Emotional Wellness Routine
Incorporate small doses of ACCEPTS daily—like listening to uplifting music or contributing through kindness.
Combining ACCEPTS with Self-Care
Pair skills with balanced meals, hydration, and relaxation practices like yoga.
Importance of Sleep, Nutrition, and Exercise
A healthy lifestyle makes sadness less overwhelming and increases emotional resilience.
Creating a Support System
Share ACCEPTS techniques with friends and family so they can support you in tough times.
